May. 7th, 2015

riverofcurios: (paperbag)
long ago, a person i used to know spoke of summer as that of a homecoming: that of a reprieve from the newly-ordinary life over There, bright lights and familiarity. i yearned to know summer like he did; summer as a window of comfort from a life of adventure and fun. but summer is mostly dull, and repetitive, and more so this year. summer is a window tightly shut, and keeping the haze in. life is slowly buffering, and while there are still some things new in the promise of summer, i am looking to europe in the fall. so much of now seems to already be in the cabinet of ‘before exchange’; who i am now will not last, because there is a new 'me’ quickly emerging – and thank God, because for the past 2 years i don’t think i quite knew who this person was, and never quite adjusted to her either.

it’s funny, because 2-3 years ago i had always had an arbitrary marker of 'summer 2015’ carved in my head: it was always some lofty ideal, a life into something else like i’d always dreamed. but now it has steeped into something quite underwhelming, and is rather the sole barrier i face to move into the cool air, gloomy skies of something else. during reading week my mind was flying off into times before -- the occasional 00's tune on shuffle, that day when C and I were stalking each other's entire instagram streams till 2012, 2011, the meeting of people from places past -- and so burdened by the weight of nostalgia. it's nice to know, the turns and detours i've made in life, and where i'm going to be. 


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